Torment (1)

After going through everything, i am still not quite convince with my previous decision. Call me lack of confidence if you may, but after weighing certain options and trying to imagine all kinds of scenarios that may crop up due to The Decision, i am starting to see certain flaws, constrictions as well as certain limitations should i proceed on with it.

I realize i am not as capable as i can, hence, rooms for limitations
should be taken into account of my decision

After talking through with some of my friends, i've done some adjustments to The Decision.

Decision making, nothing is more difficult, and therefore more precious, than to be able to decide. Strange. As hard as decision making is, no trumpet will sound when you make an important decision. I guess destiny will unfold silently because of it.

This Decision was hard for me to make. I know some of my friends they don't quite approve with what i think. Too often the response i get is, why make a mountain out of a mole hill. Perhaps i am, i don't know. But i feel it is hard because i am letting go of something and that something is more essential than the decision itself.

I am compromising my principles

The Decision was about letting of something that had been tormenting me for six long months, causing me excruciating pain and heartaches. I've vowed that i will NEVER, EVER be defeated by it nor will i give up while there's still breath in me. But now, after seeing as far as i could, i realize letting it go is no longer a luxury, but a necessity.


Problem is:

Am i compromising my own principles, my values and my belief ?

Not many people truly understand why i am adhering to my principles so strongly. For me, i always believe that values shape principles; and actions are shaped by your principles. In short, for me, principles are not just rules in life; they are what defines you as a person and what determines your actions in life, be it for good or bad.

The phrase, "Defeat may test you; but it need not stop you. Nothing in the world can take place of persistence. The greatest mistake is giving up." has always been my principle and something i fought hard and believe in. Compromise is never anything but an ignoble truce between the duty of a man and terror of a coward. Anybody who accepts defeats -- in school, on the job, in life -- is a person who compromises, and when the leader compromises, the whole organization compromises.

So after six months worth of fighting, battling, climbing and sweating, am i ready to give up ? Am i ready to give in ? Am i ready.......... to compromise ?

I thought i had it all figure out.... i thought i had it all....

Apparently not.

It's time, i think, i to find a new definition to define myself.