I've Been Waiting For This

First week of A Level is unofficially over with only Statistics paper left. The papers we sat in the first week were pretty much a shock to a lot of people 'cause the format of questioning shifted more towards on applying theoretical knowledge to real life situation i.e. what happens when you sprinkle salt on strawberries. =) but aside from these, it's still pretty much fine, quite enjoyably challenging i would say.

Been thinking a lot about my future for the past two weeks. I've had spent a few hours before bed time on weekends engaging in discussion with a very like-minded friend of mine. Most of them were insightful and thought provoking. At the same time, i've been indulging in inspirational books and books that discuss financial planning whenever there's spare time.

And that where's the scary part begins....

The more i discuss with my friend, the more books i read, the more i think, the further the horizon of my dream expanded. As is always the same when your dreams expand, you become smaller and smaller. There seems to be so much thing to do, so much stuff to study, so many things waiting to be managed and a whole lot of plans to be arranged and orchestrated. It just feels as if i am leaving my dreams further and further. I guess this is what we call, fear.

At times, before i sleep, as i lie on my bed, my brain is overflowing with all types of scenes of my would-be future. Would i be successful in my endeavor ? Would i fail to achieve my targets ? These thoughts frequent pay visits to me and the more i think about them, the more questions they seem to generate.

If i am right on track, i can expect a long, hard fraughtful journey with impossible challenges that has seemingly insurmountable odds piled against me. So i guess, yes, i am afraid. Very afraid.

But yet, knowing how things are and always has been, we block our dreams the moment we let fear grow bigger than our dreams. Either we can be paralyzed by the fear; or we can take actions and manage our fears. I'be always believed that dreams give us strength to know when we are weak; and beliefs, beliefs gives us courage enough to confront ourselves whenever we are afraid.

so, no !
I don't wanna play not to lose; i want to play to win.
I don't wanna cower in fear of my dreams for my entire life,
I don't want to look back one day and guessed what might have been
I don't wanna be so afraid of losing that it blinds me from winning,
Most importantly, i don't want to be a person who's afraid of living,
and ended up never truly living at all.

I pray that the fear of doing something should never be a reason good enough for me not to try and do. Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not the absence of fear.

Fear. I guess i've been waiting for you all along. It's time to dance.