Self Reflection Part 1

*Phew, what a day ! The time currently is 3.34 p.m. and i am here blogging while watching Kai Ming, Khai Yuan, Daeng and Firdaus play badminton against each other in Men's Double.

Feeling fatigued after a gruelling 3 hours of game, i took a lone walk within the vicinity of INTEC while breathing the beautiful sunshine and the feel the smooth breeze brushing gently against my face.. God, i love that feeling XD !

I like taking lone walks alone because i could feel the silence and hear my thoughts and the voice of my heart...like i always tell myself, the key to improvement in your own self is through constant reflection and thinking about your actions in order to learn from them and gain new insights of yourself.

Without deep reflection one knows from daily life that one exists for other people - Albert Einstein

And today, as i reflect upon myself and the past weeks, i realize one thing, that every incident that has happened to me so far is not the fault of others but my own. And my faults can all be traced to one single trait - Insecurity. Insecurity of friendships, insecurity of love, insecurity in my studies, insecurity of my own identity and so on.. but all originates from one single weakness.

My greatest weakness is my feeling of insecurity.

My greatest weakness is my feeling of insecurity

Robert Heinlein once said, A competent and self-confident person is incapable of jealousy in anything. Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity and i couldn't have agree more. Anger is a manifestation of a deeper issue... and that, for me, is based on insecurity, self-esteem and loneliness.

The more i reflect and spend time pondering about my antics for the past few weeks, the more i feel like giving myself a good sharp knock on my head !

I have no reason for feeling insecure !! None frigging reason at all !!

I have not a single good reason to be feeling insecure

I'm surrounded by wonderful friends such as Zi Hong, Kai Ming, Chang Hwa, Khai Yuan and other coursemates. I am also having 3 wonderful roommates such as Wan Qing, Justin and See Sern. Why would i feel insecure ?

Well, i guess for the past weeks, i felt insecure because i had tried to be myself and i was worried about how others may view me, which was so so so so so so so stupid. I have an untrusting and dominating character, which is one of the attributes of being a partial choleric. I doubted my ability, i doubted my friends, i doubted my heart and all these leads to all kind of undesirable thoughts and fueled my sense of insecurity.

I remembered one phrase ( though i forgotten who said it ),

No one can make you feel insecure without your permission

Because this phrase was of such paramount importance, i gotta stress it once more,

No one can make you feel insecure without your permission

And i guess the task we must set for ourselves is not to feel secure, but to be able to tolerate insecurity. From now on, i am just going to be myself, my true self. I shall not suppress my potential nor will i hide behind a mask veiling my inner beauty. Whatever others think, whatever others say, i have no control; but one thing i have control over is, sure as hell no one is going to make me feel insecure and erode my self confidence.

I am the master of my own future, the captain of my life's voyage, no one is going to wring the rein of control away from my hand.

I and i alone am the master of my soul

In the words of Ah Hwa, '' Just be yourself. And enjoy yourself "

And the enjoyment is about to start ^^

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away

P.S. If you find me sitting alone, looking at my friends or observing my surrounding, it is not because i am feeling moody or i am angry; it is just that i am thinking of what a blessed person i am compared to others in the whole wide world !