It's Too Late To Apologize

There's one sad truth in life I've found

While journeying east and west -

The only folks we really wound

Are those we love the best.

We flatter those we scarcely know,

We please the fleeting guest,

And deal full many a thoughtless blow

To those who love us best.

~Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Ming,

Is it too late for me to apologize ?

Am i still in time to say, "I'm Sorry ?"

I still remember how we first know each other - on a cold, rainy night 4 years ago on-line via MSN Messenger. You were asking Louis English grammar rules so much so that he was baffled by the questions you asked and he refered you to me. Yes.... i can still remember that night because it was the first time too in my life that i was bombarded with so many questions regarding English language and its structure syntax. After the trying, confusing conversation about English, we switched subject and started asking about each other. First question i asked was your school and your age. You played coy with me about your age and left me wondering and kept on guessing. It was frustrating, and rewarding. I can also recall at certain point you thought i was a grown-up man because of the way i conversed and my etiquette in speech. We discussed a broad range of topics, language, hobbies, music, movies and so on. The first thought that came to my mind was, i am thankful for meeting such an interesting and charming girl not at all unlike you. I know i looked forward to future conversations with you to know you better. You made me laughed and i loved that.

I like you immediately when i first know you.

Our friendship is marked with a lot of laughter

I still remember how we first met each other - on a sunny day in the hall of Methodist Centennial Park attending Toastmasters Youth Leadership Camp. I was the first time i saw you in real person. You were ( and still are ) beautiful and still as charming and witty as the night when i first talked to you. I never felt so nervous in my life meeting someone. In fact, when i knew that you are going to join the camp, i made it one of my agenda to see you in real person and to talk to you, not through any electronic devices, just as a friend to a friend, face to face. I was conscious of myself and eager to impress. I remembered i could not concentrate what the speaker was talking as i kept stealing glances at you every once in a while. You made me feel intrigued and i loved that.

I like you more immediately after i first met you.

I was intrigued by your personality

I still remember how we first made each other worry - when you told me you were flying to New Zealand to further your studies. I was worried how we could keep in touched and made a promise to never fall apart in our friendship. I knew one day in our lives, we would be too busy with our own life that we'll contact each other less frequently, especially when both of us are so far apart. That night i could not sleep because i do not want to lose a friend like you. You made me worried sick but i loved that because it shows how much i care about you.

I started to realize i like you more and more after knowing i could lose a good friend like you.

I don't wanna lose you, ever

I still remember how we first contacted each other when you arrived in New Zealand - a few days back before SPM Examination. I asked you a lot about the cultures, your school and your life there and how you are adapting yourself to the surrounding. You had just came back from school. I requested to view your webcam but you kept me on hold. You said you do not want me to see you in your uniform because you looked funny in it. You made me imaging how you would look like and i loved that.

My dear,

This morning you smsed me at 5.30 a.m. but i didn't know who you were. I had not register your overseas number in my phone although you had given me twice. You told me you were heartbroken, sad and disappointed with me when asked you tactlessly for your name.

For the first time for a very long time, i was afraid

For the first time for a very long time, i was afraid. I was afraid of letting this fiasco and my stupidity ruining our friendship. I was scared this incident might scar our friendship. I was worried that you might think this friendship means nought to me. I just want to tell you that our friendship had, and always has been meaningful and important to me.

I know what is done cannot be undone. Right now, i can only humbly come before you to ask for your forgiveness. I am so sorry for hurting you. I am so sorry for disappointing. I know it would pain me endlessly to lose a wonderful friend like you. Please forgive me and sincerely pray that this not affect our friendship.

They say forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future, but is to too late to apologize ? =(

Please forgive me